shadows fall.
in places never known
monsters come out at night
the ones in human skin.
the voices start screaming,
calling your name.

beware.
sleep at your own risk.

tainted hearts,
short skirts,
quick hands,
stolen lives,
enhanced by the moon.
the drunken guy
down the hall,
he hides from the sun,
lives by the moon,
hunts on the drink.

sleep at your own risk.

the haven you created,
of blankets,
pillows,
a stuffed bear,
maybe two,
it never existed.
it will never exist.
the monsters
will reach your soul,
through the window,
from under the bed,
jump right through the door,
and climb on your bed.

just remember.
sleep at your own risk.

he peeks again.
head ducking behind a corner,
he hides.
he lies,
takes my life
to sensationalize.
the truths behind me,
now fallacious stories,
of his own device.

and he hides again.

i have eyes,
they hide,
i can see him behind me,
and i laugh at him instead.
expecting tears,
my eyes are dry.

he hides again.
i'll look on the bright side.
i hide no more,
i share myself
worldwide.

run away.
fill the black trash bag
with sentimental things
and disappear.
hide from the sun,
hide from the moon,
hide from everything
but most of all,
hide from you.
take that bear,
that grandpa gave you,
throw it in
for lonely nights.
grab the ring,
your sister gave you,
best friends forever
is what you said.
hide that blanket,
the one you couldn't,
cannot live without,
and hope it's comfort
brings you warmth.
but don't bring anything
of any importance.
don't bring your sister,
the one who stands beside you,
thick and thin,
she'll always have your back.
don't bring your grandpa,
the one who wiped the tears
from eyes,
who picked up the pieces
of your broken heart.
run away,
throw your junk into the bag,
and hide yourself away,
never wanted to face another day.
that's the cowards way,
always running away.

i'll sleep naked with you.
home,
i'll wear shorts and tee's.
they secure me,
keep me warm.
the bad guys can't get me,
and i can sleep safe and sound.
but i'll sleep naked with you.
you'll keep me safe,
keep me warm,
i can fall asleep,
deep and sound
and happy in your arms.
i can sleep
with you wrapped around me,
my heart wrapped around you.
i'll fall into a comfy sleep,
as i fall more in love with you.

never should have come.
you.
i.
never should have come.
stroke my arm.
stroke my belly.
stroke my lips,
with yours.
never should have come.
whisper words.
whisper longing.
whisper desire.
never should have come.
taste sweat.
taste tears.
taste passion.
never should have come.
feel limbs.
feel trembles.
feel release.
i
never should have come
you
never should have cum.

i feel
like every day,
today is no different.
patience is over-whelming,
calm screams at me,
begging me to quit,
asking me to let
this burning desire
to scream
to run
to cry
to hide
free.
but i hold back
and let patience and calm
over-take my frustration.
the knot in my neck
grows stronger,
and he'll tut at me,
shake a finger at me,
tell me i should care for me,
i promise that i will.
yet,
i'll always hold back
and i'll never be free.
tranquility will burn
like a fever,
waiting to break
into something more powerful.
my easy going,
laid back
state of mind
will drive me crazy,
as we'll soon see in time.
yes,
today is no different
than any other day.
it's just one more step
until i reach the cliff
where i'll throw myself over
and start to live reckless.

you've marked me.
i'm scarred for life.
the wound you've created,
that slice through my chest,
will live with me forever
and beyond.
i'll sleep at night,
restless dreams,
lonely nights.
as the rain pours down,
upon my head,
and makes its way through my shirt,
to my scar,
i'll dance,
head lifted to the sky,
i'll dance.
i'll laugh,
as tears stream down my face,
smile plastered in my eyes,
i'll laugh.
you'll watch from the side,
and laugh at me,
with me,
for me,
and i'll just dance,
because you scarred me.
you ripped open this vault,
cut through the fence,
breached security,
you've cut open my chest,
and reached my heart.
it'll never heal quite right,
it'll never look the same,
it'll never feel the same,
the raised flesh,
red in color,
bumpy too,
will show the world
the hold you have on me.

you've scarred me.
it's the only scar
i've ever enjoyed.
it's the only scar
i'll ever enjoy,
as long as it never
becomes a wound.

time ticks on,
but time remains the same.
the same shadow stares back at me
when i lower my gaze to my feet.
the tree sadly stands tall.
limbs dangling,
leaves dying,
time ticks on.
the same waves keep crashing,
pouring it's energy onto shore,
each one looks as the last,
though they are never quite the same.
time ticks on slowly,
nothing will ever change.

i'll continue to stare silently,
watching life through solid glass.
shoot a bullet through this pain,
there will never be shattered glass.
i'll watch the flowers bloom,
when they look like
and i'll blankly keep an eye on children
carelessly throw their heads back and laugh.
children turn to adult,
their children laughing to the wind.
i sit and watch them silently,
a frame beyond my reach.

time ticks on slowly,
for me time will never change.

she loved to laugh at you,
i just love to laugh.
so i promised
i would never hurt you,
but you just laughed right in my face.
it hurts most to remember
the tears i've cried on too many nights.
but i took your laughter in stride,
i do enjoy your laugh,
and laughters never hurt me,
it's always the words behind the laugh.

i know why you chose to laugh,
and completely dismiss my words.
you believe no one
who says they won't hurt you.
you've been laughed at
too much in your past.

laughter is meant to be happy.
the only tears they cause
should be joys.
the only pain the fits of laughter should cause
should be the aching in your ribs.

so i'll hold your hand as their laughter
echoes in your mind.
i won't ask for you to trust me,
i'll hope that comes in time.

yet.

she'll laugh
and gain love.
she'll laugh
though she's not worthy.
she'll laugh
but she'll never understand.
she'll laugh
thinking she has your trust.
she'll laugh
and i'll caress your words,
your name a pleasure in my brain.

i'll ask you to remember this.

the only laughter worthy of attention,
is the laughter
that doesn't cause you pain.

slip of tongue,
twist of words,
covered mouth,
i think of you.
it amazes me to say,
i love you.

meshing of limbs
intertwining fingers,
hearts beating together.
never knowing
where one soul starts,
and where the other
happens to be ending.

body limp,
relaxation kicks in,
head laying lightly
on your chest.
i'm home at last.

publicized,
pulverized,
poked and prodded inside,
i bare my soul to all.
share my heart,
my hate,
as words fill my page.
you'll marinade
your self confidence
in the sorrowful words
about you.
i keep strong.
you'll share stories
of the young one,
and laugh at the tale.
i keep strong.
you'll shower yourself
with the sadness i feel,
i thought i could trust you.
my words will keep coming,
some for you,
yes,
most for him,
most likely,
all for me,
i bare my heart.
all for you,
i took it and ran.
that doesn't keep you,
you still peek at my soul,
my words, my emotions.
you'll stare at my soul
as you block yours
from my eyes,
hardly seems fair.
doesn't it?

but i hide from no one.

i will not write today.
i will not tell you how i feel.
i will not lie and say i'm ok.
the sun won't rise,
and i won't heal.
i will not write today.

i will not cry today.
there will be no heart ache
over the lies that you say.
and the gossip that you spread,
that make me feel dead,
i will not cry today.

i will not shut my eyes today.
no six feet under,
no eternal sleep,
you cannot make me and never will.
no stake will be placed through my heart,
no silver bullet,
no garlic and crosses.
i will not shut my eyes today.

i will not listen today.
there will be no sad stories,
nor lies, nor cries from you.
the rain is not pouring,
music is not playing,
your mouth is not moving.
i will not listen today.

then again,
there's nothing you have to say
anyway.

she can only take so much.
lies, deceit,
living in two worlds,
or is it three?
how much do you expect
her to take?
she's only a woman,
isn't she?

she doesn't have
any supernatural power.
her beauty, her brains,
her strengths, her weaknesses,
they are her power.
the kindness that emanates
from her very being.
she's only a woman,
isn't she?

you'll take her hand,
think you can guide her there.
she'll take your hand,
and pull you the other way.
you'll force her down,
and have your way.
she'll look around,
but laugh in your face.
she's only a woman,
isn't she?

she has her place,
i believe that's what you said.
she has her job,
and it's where i say it should be.
she lives a life,
the way i lead her to do.
she'll never fail,
to refuse every demand,
to make her fit you.
she's only a woman,
isn't she?

she'll stand tall
and proud against you.
you'll look in amazement
as she holds her head high,
fights her own fights,
and moves on with her life.
shes is a woman,
isn't she.

fairy tales can come true,
if you're young at heart.

old souls with carefree hearts.
the wise young woman,
who knows the truth:
that love is either in your heart
or on its way.

she'll laugh to the wind,
as rain pours down.
accept every challenge
with open arms,
and smile with her eyes
as life refuses to pass by.

she'll comfort those
with heavy hearts,
she'll let them know,
it's worth nothing in the end,
sorrow and heartache,
and life thrown away,
but it's so much better
to be young at heart.

she'll take his hand,
as he calls her wise.
she'll smile at her,
as she's called an old soul.
she'll embrace the man,
who calls her young at heart.

she'll listen to frank,
with all her heart,
when you look at all you derive
out of being alive
you have a head start
if you are among the very
young at heart.

emotion.
i crave to create it.
i desire to dive into
and submerge both you,
and i in it.
every fear that i have,
i dare you to tremble with me.
and i pray that my laughter
causes your ribs to ache.
the calm of the ocean,
this big waterbed of slow motion
created by my mind,
i beg for it to ease your heart,
rock your boat,
and more.

emotion.
every turn my life makes,
i dare you to ride with it.
be the passenger as every wave
crashes over me,
as i jump from one thought
or one emotion
headfirst into the next.
i've collided headfirst into you
too many times before,
so glide by my side,
emotions will help us survive.

emotion.
the words that i write.
the tone that i speak.
the heart of yours,
that i make beat,
with my words
and strong tone.
i pray that they hit you.
that the bat hits the ball
hard and makes it soar,
over the field,
out of the park,
into my world,
so that you glimpse at
my emotion,
and i'll create it in you,
so you can dive in
and roam.

emotion.

a fallacy exists
that is hard to extinguish.
it lingers in the minds
of the intelligent scholars.
it haunts the lives
of every day man.
it creeps upon
our shakers and doers.

night creates fear.

but.

fear creates the night.

lack of light
makes the most confident
check their back.

the dimness
of mind and sky
keep you off them off the streets.

imagination gone awry
keeps kids
in parents beds.
there are no monsters
in their closets,
only mine.

so they fear the night.
and the night fears them.

the night has it right.
fear the person.
fear the monster,
the one that causes you to fear.

i fear the light.

i've married a greek god.

the immortal being
who carries the weight of the world
on his human size shoulders.

his knees straining to buckle under.
yet he keeps strong,
he keeps holding on
and manages to stand,
back straight,
head high.

i never signed on for this,
my mere mortal body,
the woman who sits in her chair
and watches her man
take the world by storm,
knitting whil he stays
in the corner of her eye.

no.
i did not sign on for that.

so while my immortal husband,
who holds my mortal heart,
tries to bare more then he can handle,
i stand behind the man
who exists within the god,
my back to his
i lift the other half of this world
and place it on my shoulders.

back to back
i lessen his load,
and while he voices complaints,
my voice silences him.
"my load is lessened now as well,
for i carried the whole world with you
when you did it alone.
your pain was mine,
your fight my fight,
now i carry it with you."

so we divided the world in two.

i fear,
in the back of my mind.
i'd love to tell you what,
but the words won't leave my mouth.
and you'll look at me,
tell me i'm insane,
stroke my hair,
calm my heart,
but i'll still fear.
all i can say is,
i never want to break your heart.
i know,
as long as i fear,
i have hope that i won't.
i love you.

night and day
two sides of a whole.
sunny and cheerful
versus
dark and covered up.
so i'll wrap my arms
around my breasts
when i enjoyed
showing them off
before.
and i'll throw my shirt on
pull the blanket up
and block out the light,
they call it my mood.
and i'll be upset,
with no valid reason to be.
and i'll try to hide,
when i have no where to run.
and i'll close my eyes,
try to block out the world.
the whole time
confusion lives in me,
since i never know why.
but somehow i always
manage to
survive.
and i'll try to make it right,
no one should see me in
my mood.
and i'll open my eyes
my arms
my heart
once again,
and uncover myself to you.
never knowing why i did
in the first place.

what i hate more,
lying hearts,
mouths spewing sentiments,
poems from pompous men,
and seedy songs of love.
what i hate most,
are lying words.
saying he is friends
with one girl,
never to meet,
and telling me
about rubbing noses,
and how thoughts
were not on sex,
but holding me in sleep.
and he never told her,
what he was saying to me.
he can't have his cake
and eat it too.
never expecting us to talk,
to figure it out,
to discover lie,
after lie,
he thought two
would be better then one,
he's right,
we two,
she and me,
are better then one,
and his worthlessness.
he thought he could keep both,
but we're too good
for that.
he's not worthy
of us,
nor any stong woman
who knows how to lift her knee.